Initially I thought blogging was a good idea for just getting my thoughts out. I have a couple of people who read them that really are just being nosy. I don't mind that at all. This particular blog is for one of them (specifically). :)
Dear Unnamed,
I'm not going to lie...there are people that I wish would blog so that I could be nosy. You are NOT one of them. I really feel terrible that you have nothing better to do than read my blogs, judge me, and run your mouth about me. Guess what? I don't care. It doesn't effect me in the slightest. I don't care about your judgment. Not one of us is perfect, and you certainly fall in that same category. Smile, it's ok. I'm not judging you for it. You have to do what makes you feel good about yourself. Right?
You call me a fat ugly troll all the time to other people. Awww. That's really special. You're vocabulary rarely reflects that you have a college education. I think it's sad. I'll have you know that I'm not fat, nor am I a troll. I am not 100 lbs, and I'm not a size 0, but I'm not fat. I'm comfortable in my body. There was a time when I was fat, and you were as well. I worked hard to lose the weight. I didn't have weight loss surgery. I didn't take a magic pill. I went to the gym 4-5 nights a week for 1-2 hours to work off what I didn't like. I don't have a perfect body in my eyes, just as you don't in your eyes. I don't know any woman personally that thinks she has a perfect body. So, I'll sit back and let you call me fat, because frankly, I don't care what your thoughts are about me. As far as being a troll, I'm not sure where you dreamed that up. The definition of a troll is a mythical, cave-dwelling being depicted in folklore as either a giant or a dwarf, typically having a very ugly appearance. Well, I am not cave dwelling, giant, dwarflike (well maybe a little short), or ugly. I'm not beautiful physically. I'm aware of that. I accept that. Your heart and the way you treat people is ugly and that ugliness radiates through your skin. I thought you were pretty, but your hatred, mean demeanor, and mouth has botched my initial opinion on your physical beauty. Meh, who cares what a fat troll thinks anyway, right? *wink* My suggestion for you is to spend time reflecting on what actually makes a person beautiful. Helpful hint: it's never someone else's opinion.
Now, this paragraph is me sincerely apologizing for your life being turned upside down. I had no intension of ever hurting you. I never meant for things to turn out the way they did. You hated your life before, and got "rid of the worst part of your life". I'm glad that worked out in your favor. I'm so glad that you are now able to move on to greater things. Good for you. I really am sorry for the trauma that I caused you and your family. I'm sure that underneath all of that hard core, mean, tough girl front that you emit, is a very hurt person. I am sincerely sorry for that hurt. I realize that my apology doesn't change a thing. I'm not perfect. I have never claimed to be. I have more faults and wrongs than I can list, as does everyone else in this world. I realize that you feel that you are never wrong. I'm sure you've never wronged anyone in your life or so it may seem. I want you to know that I was hurt in this as well. I lost everything, and I deserved that without a doubt (that doesn't make it hurt less). I can tell you that for a while the picture of you sitting on my husband's lap 4 days after our divorce killed me. It hurt every time I looked at my phone, and I deserved that hurt. That picture was taken the day before the anniversary of my mother's death. The timing was horrendous. I was a mess. I'm sure that makes you happy. I can understand that you are delighted in knowing that you hurt me as well. I deserve that.
Your relationship with your ex-husband is your business. Your relationship with my ex-husband is also your business. I do not care about the relationships you have. You have exposed and flaunted your hatred for me. I don't have a problem with that either. I am not bothered by your opinion of me. It doesn't change any thing. I am by no means cocky, or confident. I never really have been. I take life one day at a time. Some days are good, and some days are not. I try to keep a positive attitude in hopes that even on the bad days, something good will blossom from it. If you feel the need, you are more than welcome to contact me via email, phone, FB messenger, or however you'd like. I don't hate you. I don't even dislike you. I don't really have an opinion of you since I've only met you that one time.
I hope you find absolute happiness. I hope that one day you can look back on this and realize that this turning point in your life was towards something grander. I hope that you can forgive the people in your life that hurt you. I hope that you smile. I hope that someone enters your life and makes your heart melt every time you see him. I hope that your heart heals, so that you can love with purity and without fear of being hurt. I hope your nights aren't sleepless. I hope you find peace in all of your decisions. I hope that you learn to love again.
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