Life isn't a movie. You can't rewind it. You can't edit it. No scene is perfect. The lighting is not ideal. The weather is unpredictable. The characters aren't played by selected actors. There's no second takes because you didn't like the last scene. By the time you get to the end, you realize that it was yours. No one else had all of the same people, scenes, experiences, or choices in their life. We are each unique even in the way we live, learn, and love.
I began life as a wee little thing 7lbs 6 oz, born on a rainy spring evening to an unwed mother. My mother had just turned 16 when she had me. Her life was much harder than I can imagine. She was Little Miss Sequin a couple years before I was born. She was stunning. She danced so gracefully. She moved with an incredible elegance about her. I didn't inherit those qualities. Dancing did not come naturally to me. I was in dance for years, and it just didn't take well. I don't have the beauty that my mother had. I don't look like my father either. I am just me. I've always just been me. I'm not pretty. I'm not grotesque. I'm a 5 on the 1-10 scale. I've always been a 5. I don't turn heads or stomachs. I'm just mediocre. A solid 5. I was never good at anything. I tried basketball, football (water boy), weight lifting, tap dancing, twirling, ballet, tumbling, cross country, boys...the list goes on. I've never really been good at anything. I never succeeded at any of those things.
At 16, I got pregnant with my daughter Chelsea. I had her just before my 17th birthday. By the time I was 18, I was pregnant again. I gave birth to another girl. At 8 months old, I placed her with a very loving and incredible family from the church. They had been trying to have a baby, and were on adoption lists awaiting a child. I won't go into all of the details of what was going on in my life at that time. It irrelevant. Most people don't even know that I had another child. When I was 23 I got married to a fantastic man. He was absolutely the nicest person I had ever met in my life. He was 18 at the time. We had a lot of fun. We learned, laughed, cried, did silly things, and loved each other very much. A year into our marriage, we found out that we were pregnant. We had our son Brian. When Brian was 5, we divorced. Skipping details (for now). Here I was single mother, two kids, a dog, two cars, a mortgage, and no idea how to work a lawn mower. I met a guy that I had gone to school with. Incredible man. Our children were the same age. Our girls were 8 months apart and our sons were 1 year apart. The kids got a long fabulously, still do. After a year of dating, he asked me to be his wife. To this day, I can say that our wedding day was my favorite day in my life. I was pretty that day. I wasn't a 5. I was a 10 to him. It was a perfect day. 4 years later...divorced. You can read previous blogs for the details on that. I didn't get it right again. I failed as a wife, not once but twice. I'm quite a catch, eh? I'm not a perfect mom. I know there are people who would look at me as a failure because I placed my child for adoption. I have never really talked about it. Don't assume that I'm a failure because of it. I'll tell you that I thought that...for years. It wasn't until the day that she thanked me that I realized that I didn't fail her. She thanked me for her family. She thanked me.
I didn't get it all right. I didn't even get half of it right, not even a third or a 16th of it right. Life was tough. Still is. But I am still me. We don't have to get it "right". That's an opinion. We do make it ours.
I've never been an exceptionally exciting person. I am an oddball to most. I am just me. Each little thing in my life created/s this person I am. I am witty. I can make you laugh in most any situation. I love doing impressions. I love baking, but I only do it when I'm happy. I love to run but can't always find the time. I love water with lemon in it. I don't eat a lot of meat. I despise chicken. I like math. It's like a puzzle to me. I think Dwight Yoakum is the sexiest man alive. I can eat butter with a spoon. I love photography, but have a long way to go. I'm good at my job. It's black and white with rule books. It takes a LOT to make me mad, but I'm easily hurt. I don't think people hate me, but I am a bit much for some. I have never tried drugs of any kind. I love dancing in the rain. I have long hair because I cry if I cut it. I eat out of containers so that I don't have to do dishes. I love popcorn. I like ribbon & lace together. I only had two wisdom teeth. I had them taken out during a lunch break once. I have 5 sisters. I love technology, but I am terrible at using it. I loved being married. I do craft projects because I'm too cheap to buy wall art. I don't iron. I wear a size 4-5 shoe. I can buy in the kids section. I hate spiders. Even the little ones freak me out. I'm highly allergic to poison ivy, and have been in the hospital because of it. I bit my nails until I was 13. I cry when I'm mad. I wish poodle skirts and saddle shoes would come back in style. I can't keep a plant alive. I once tried to lower my sister in a well. I don't use the word step to describe family members. I'm jealous of people with dark eyes. If there was an ethnic sign up sheet at birth, I would have been Mexican. I'm hypoglycemic. I have never lived alone until the last 3 weeks of my life. My favorite color is green. I've never tried a martini, but have always wanted to order one because of how cool James Bond sounded when he ordered one. I think knee caps are weird. I love red polish, but never polish my fingernails. I love asparagus, and will eat it out of the can. I have one tattoo that I sincerely regret. My first name is Laura. I've been in more fist fights with boys than girls. I have no filter. I love drag racing. As a kid, my favorite movie was Born Free. I liked the actor accents. I've been in automotive for 20 years. I like the smell of skunks. I do not think that leggings are pants. I like barbeque sauce, but don't eat barbeque. My favorite sound is the laughter of children. I have no idea what grits are. Tulips are my favorite flower. I think skipping rocks is fun. I think every one should kiss in the rain. I love the Bee Gees. I've never bought a brand name purse. I have a necklace that my niece made me at church with Christmas ribbon and beads. That was 11 years ago. I still wear it. My second toe is shorter than my big toe. I only wash my hair 1-2xs per week. I love looking at the stars. I think octopuses are a little creepy. When I was a kid, my sisters had .22s I had a sling shot. I was a better aim then they were. I like hopscotch. My favorite author is Dean Koontz. I've never owned a pair of cowgirl boots, but want to. I'm 5'1", but say that I'm taller. I'm a terrible player of Monopoly. I once had my tongue pierced in two places. I think football is the most ignorant sport on the planet, and I refuse to watch it. A boy once swam to the middle of a pond in February to get a leaf because I asked him to. I've never been kissed at sunset. I love the beach. I touched a sting ray recently for the first time in my life. I want to ride on a city bus at least once in my life. I say "excuse me" when I burp even if I'm alone. I like the smell of cigars and pipes. I put salt on watermelon. I can still do a back bend. I carry floss in my purse. I eat the stem of okra. I've wrecked every car I've ever owned. 13. At thanksgiving, I can't stand the turkey carcass in sight. I don't use pencils. I think jello is confusing because it's not a solid or a liquid. I love the smell of honeysuckles. I think poop comes up way too often in conversation. This is all me. These are the quirks, the sillys, the weirds, the goods, and the bads, these things are me.
These are not exciting things. I've never accomplished much, but this is mine. No redos. No second takes. No scene changes. No make-up artists. This is me. I'm just me. Nothing spectacular. Merely a 5. I don't deserve a pedestal, medals, trophies, or awards. I didn't get it all right, and guess what none of us do. We all fault ourselves. Each day is yours. You can make whatever you want of it. You can chose to love, dance, sing, whatever you want, but you don't get a redo, so make it something that is you. Make today yours. There will be storms in life, adjust your sail so you can enjoy the ride.
~Darla
